It's all a blur

From the moment I decided to take on this "project" my mind has been the equivalent of a Sizzler. You know, that crazy ride at the parking lot carnival wherein riders locked into spinning "cars" by large metal rods swish through the air and narrowly miss crashing into other riders while the ride itself spins in the opposite direction; the occupants of the cars (which, by the way are little more than schoolbus seats), slide from one end of the carriage to the other and watch as the world around them is reduced to a fantasticly nauseating blur.

Yeah. That's kind of how I feel. My mind is "sizzling" at a million miles a minute and I can't figure out how to slow it down enough to actually put something on paper. (Paper being my trusty word processor, of course. ) I know, I know, just write - anything will do. HA! Anyone who knows me understands that my mental health requires that I have a plan. An outline. A concept. I have none of that. I jumped on this frightening contraption and nowI'm stuck, watching everything whizz past me. But I know that even if I bailed out, I'd get right back in line. *sigh*

Oh, and apparently the Sizzler is THE most popular ride at the amusement park. Go figure. :o)

New beginnings

I am a flake. Yes, I admit it. I often "commit" with gusto only to let my intentions slowly dissipate until it's months, sometimes years, later and I realize that I am in no better position than when I began.

Case in point: it's March and my baby is 1. I am now "ready" to (re)commit to working out. When I was in law school I was a workout fiend, hitting the gym for a minimum of 1 hour every day. After taking the bar exam (which, by the way was the worst experience of my ENTIRE life - not kidding) I started working for a judge and I managed to continue my regimine even though it meant getting up at 5:30am every day. Even when I took a job in Nogales I STILL pushed through, despite a 4:30am wake-up each morning. Then we moved and working out was even easier - our community club house has a gym literally less than 90 seconds (driving distance of course) from my front door and my commute was cut in half. Super-fantastic.

Then I discover I am pregnant and soooooo tired. Nap-time begins to take precedent. By the time I am 5 months pregnant I hit the gym maybe three times a week and at 6 months I pretty much stop going all together - minus of course the last month when my husband decides it's time to "walk the pregnant lady." This is no easy task as I am now carrying an extra 27 lbs and my endurance has dropped off.

After Alex was born I certainly didn't have the time or energy to go work out - nursing takes A LOT of energy. (I did however, have plenty of time to catch up on Days of Our Lives and discover the pleasures of FoodTv). Fast forward to the beginning of this post - March 2009 (approximately 60 or so days ago) and a renewed committment to getting back into shape. Well that was 2 months ago and I've been to the gym, at most, 2x in a given 7-day period. I've managed to find excuses for every missed workout - Alex was up all night; it's 5 and she needs to nurse first (yes, we're still doing it and no, I don't care if you think it's wierd); I missed the alarm; Michael is out of town and I don't have anyone to watch the baby; I think I have swine flu; etc......

In any event, I do believe I will eventually achieve my goal- just not as quickly as I had intended. Which leads me to the point of this post. I have a new project-something I'm a little intimidated to discuss, but it's one that I have been dreaming of for as long as I can remember but never really did anything about. I always had an excuse or a reason why I just didn't have the time. I have finally figured out that I cannot finish what I don't start and that if I don't stop being such a scaredy cat, I will never realize my aspirations. (Clever, I know). Progress takes time. If you jump into the ocean without learning how to swim, you're never going to make it out alive. Thank you, Joyce - for inspiring me to get off my ass and stop making excuses.

I'll be in the gym tomorrow.